Thursday, November 8, 2007

Your choice!

ONE

Exquisite art albeit modern
compensate for the dust filled apartment
filled with timeless beauty.

Sunlight and shadows
dance to an unknown rhythm
as rustic radio chimes the sixties.


I walk from room to room.
My mind senses a feeling of belonging,
a reckoning that I was here
in another lifetime or before.

I feel nostalgic,
why it’s first time I set foot here?
Then this must be déjà vu.

“I will take it” I said
without another thought to the landlord,
And handed the deposit.

*****
TWO


I caught
the listing
on paper
this morning.

"I will seize
a glance
as I stroll
across
the park."
I thought
to
myself,
but was
out the door
the next
second
on my
way there.

I stopped
and knocked.
"Only to peek"
I said,
and annoyed
the landlord.


Exquisite art
albeit modern
line the walls
of the dusty
old apartment.

Sunlight
and shadows
compensate
one another
as they dance
in harmony
to an unknown
rhythm
while the
rustic radio
chimes
the sixties.

Scattered junk,
you would say,
timeless beauty
is my say.

I walk from
room to room.
My mind
senses a feeling
of belonging,
a reckoning
that I was here
in another lifetime
or before.

I feel nostalgic,
why it’s first time
I set foot here?
Then
this must be
déjà vu.


I turn a corner,
Expecting -
a type-writer
and there it was
I spotted clear.

Decision made,
instant-
“I will take it”
I said
surprised
the landlord
and handed
the deposit.
*****
You choose your fav! one, two, neither or cant be bothered. Any thoughts welcome. Comments and criticisms too. This came to me as soon as I caught the prompt on 3WW yesterday, but I just couldn't decide how best to present it. A poem, a prose, a story...I thought and edited, thought and edited and ended up with two versions. So now it's up to you to choose what you like. Thank you for stopping by.

7 comments:

TC said...

I liked the first one best. It pulled me in, and I found myself smiling by the end :)

pia said...

The first has a more timeless feel--and like TC made me smile

But the second, upon second reading, has the great "only to peak" line, and I really like this


Sunlight
and shadows
compensate
one another
as they dance
in harmony
to an unknown
rhythm
while the
rustic radio
chimes
the sixties

Michelle Johnson said...

I love the first one because it draws me inside. The second one doesn't quite feel like a list poem to me. In the first one I felt as though she really chose her first apartment on a whim for its beauty and the deja vu effect it had on her. Wonderful poem. Keep up the good work.

Have a nice day.

Whitesnake said...

The first one ....... :-)

tumblewords said...

I like the first one better. It seems more rhythmic, slower paced and presents the images more vividly. My opinion. :)

Rambler said...

Sunlight and shadows
dance to an unknown rhythm
as rustic radio chimes the sixties.


I liked the feeling :)

Whitesnake said...

Thank you so much for your response. It was perfect!

Keep in touch.