Friday, January 18, 2008

Chicken Dreams!



My lifelong dream was to excel in Science and become a scientist. As long as I could remember, I took every measure to achieve my goals. After years of hurdles, I reaped my dream. My position brought me money and fame, but not happiness. Something was lacking, I proceeded to study further, climb ladders and accomplish career objectives. But the dissatisfaction grew as each day passed. I questioned my sanity.


To calm the mind, I took up a hobby I had pursued during my childhood days, one that had taken a backseat during my ambitious rat race. Music writing! The effect was totally unexpected. It not only brought me happiness but soul deep satisfaction. One that has been missing for so long that I had forgotten its existence! I found myself again. I couldn’t believe what my heart kept singing to me, I couldn’t accept the grave mistake I had made in life. But admit I must, I had made the wrong move, and my career choice wasn’t exactly what I wanted for myself ever! My lifelong dream was nothing but a farce.


You would think realization was all it took to jump boats, wouldn’t you? Nope, it isn't that easy. Giving up life’s comforts and my responsibilities to a family who depended on me, merely because of my mistake earlier in life seemed both impractical and illogical. It would take another lifetime for me to be where I am today in the music-writing business. The competition was high and the chance of success at my age seemed meek. And so I destroyed the idea forming in my head by its root. “Chicken” rings in my ears all the time these days!


My heart still persuades me to take the leap! Will I or will I not? Only time shall tell!

##################################
In response to the prompt from Friday Fiction
as well as 'Crossroads' for Writer's Island
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34 comments:

keith hillman said...

How many times do we say 'if I had known then what I know now'. Hindsight sometimes hurts.

Redness said...

I can hear you singing from ... so not to be a pain but if you can cope, myrtlebeachwhale tagged me, so consider yourself tagged too, don't feel pressured ... details on my blog -
http://over-it.blogspot.com/2008/01/ive-been-tagged.html

paisley said...

no time like the present... i really likes this,, and i am with keith in thinking that hindsight can be the best teacher......

notfrommars said...

Those leaps in life are the hardest and can be the best. Great FF today.

pjd said...

When you're young, you have energy and time but no money.

When you're a parent, you have energy and money but no time.

When you're old, you have time and money but no energy.

How come we can't have all the ingredients at once?

Jodi Cleghorn said...

This pokes in places that dont like to be poked. Once in a groove - especially one that comes with responsibilities beyond yourself - its hard to move out of it.

I'm on my second round of working on The Artist Way by Julia Cameron - which is a twelve week creative course to unblock yourself ... even though your character has 'seen the soul light' he remains blocked by what life throws up.

I think its a good thing that we've moved as a culture away from the idea that there is one true career path and once there you must wait out the next fifty years, get your gold watch and then retire ... though I wonder if we've swung too far though with constant job hopping and little loyalty .. but I digress.

I feel for you character who must be bone weary and miserable with living each day as a farce, against his truth. Thanks for reminding me how important it is to know ourselves, right down to the soul and to be authentic in every layer!

Chris said...

This is a wonderful story! I felt the emotion all the way to the last word.

Square1 said...

You're never too old to pursue a dream, and someday, God willing you will still go after that. Anticipate where you want to go, while being content with where you are. It's not as easy as it sounds.

Paul said...

I've just lived through this story over the past year - realised that my "lifelong dream" isn't actually what I wanted, and am in the process of moving away from it into new areas, so this whole tale was very familiar and spoke volumes to me.

But it is so difficult to move on from a comfortable rut, to an area where you have to be a novice again (particularly if you have responsibilities and it would entail a massive pay cut!).

Marja said...

It's strange that many people take a long time to find their destiny,
and than... your worries sound familiar to me. I hope for you that you find a way

Prats said...

Regrets hurt , but it is better to move and look back and see a bright light in what went past

totomai said...

as they say, there should be no room for regrets. at least you found what your passion is, right. :-)

Rambler said...

Its always a tough toss between what we want to do and what we have to do, isn't it.

Robin said...

Perhaps there is a way out there to pursue your dream while still not abandoning your responsibilities. You'll never know unless you look for it.

Thinking aloud said...

if we only knew what we know now...but then that's the charm in't it..to push us further trying to make things happen!!

hope u get your dream...perhaps on the side...?

"SunShine" said...

You have got a dream ..thats more important ...hope someday it will come true ..who knows !! miracles do happen ..wont u agree !!

gautami tripathy said...

Sometimes one has to go off on a tangent..

Preethi said...

What a beautifully written tale.. this blog maybe an opening for song writing.. and remember it is never too late

At the Crossroad

tumblewords said...

Hindsight is a double-edged sword...but how wonderful that you achieved the first dream and now have time, if you choose, to select the next! Provocative post!

paris parfait said...

It's important to keep dreaming and take little steps towards realising those dreams. It's never too late!

lissa said...

it's never too late to start something new, hope you find that happiness

Herb Urban said...

Hindsight has kicked my butt a time or two. It is a long, sometimes lonely, process trying to arrive at what makes you happy. I hope you find your path without too many regrets.

Mary Timme said...

I loved the lines about making a life, but not living your dream and will you or won't you. . . Not for me to know, will you or won't you?

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

I totally know where you're coming from. Any chance you can write songs on the side until you get started? A lot of my writer friends do exactly that.

Lucy said...

Hi UL!
Your crossroads is quite heartbreaking. I agree that jumping ship is not that easy and Keith IS right Hind sight is 20/20. But what if you let your writing give you joy anyway. Not with a salary, but with the satisfaction that SO many bloggers are Happpier from reading what you have to say! :))

Gemma Wiseman said...

As soon as I saw the title "Chicken Dreams" I thought of "Chicken Wings" - - the baked kind! And my first thought carried well all the way through your narrative!

Beautiful write!

Smiles and Light

Rob Kistner said...

Very heartfelt. My suggestion -- do both! ;)

pepektheassassin said...

I know of a lot of attorneys who play in rock bands (or other bands)==in fact the head of the State Bar Association has (or had, not long ago) a band. Why not do BOTH!!!?

forgetfulone said...

Hindsight is 20/20. Keep going for it!

Crafty Green Poet said...

I can relate to your story here

SlyGly said...

Wow! I can see a lot of myself here. I am in a science-y place myself and there is a part of me which feels at home there, but sometimes I think I left my soul in music performance. One of these days I am going to buy a piano and resume pounding away for my own peace, but I think that is as far as the path will lead for now.

mariacristina said...

I actually had this happen to me! But I did quit my job. A great story that shows how we ignore our innermost dreams, to the detriment of our souls.

jadey said...

Your not a chicken! I say do it it is your desire.

Sunil Jacob said...

UL,

Sorry for the late response. I think that your comment for my post deserved more than a quick , short response; so I had to make time to think and respond. Here goes :-

First of all, I think people who can make a career out of what they love are the luckiest people - they have it going right. As you said, there are people who enjoy lots of learning; that means they are spending time on what they loved most and are able to set aside other priorities in life. I would say they have earned it too..after all, we all know studying is not always the most financially rewarding choice.The place where I disagree is when you say people doing things without a purpose - I would say that the purpose might be enjoyment or self reward or sense of accomplishment, so he purpose is always served.

I used to be a perfectionist, so I exactly know where you are coming from, although I had to put those instincts to rest since all the fun
you need to have is marred by the constant nagging in your head "Is this perfect?" I have come to learn in life that some of the imperfections in life is more beautiful than when everything is in order. I think you are too strict on yourself... I would say let go some of it and enjoy..as you said, life is short - no time to worry about the past or the future.

From the first part of my comments, you might have figured out that answer for "where does that leave me?". Learning is your quest, either to correct something in the past or change something in the future - either way, you are doing what you need to do even if it falls in the category of self discovery.

Let me leave you with one thought - Imagine if Columbus had a perfect plan and charted his course correctly to his intended destination? what if he had aborted his sail mid course because he thought it was a journey without purpose? Would he have influenced history the way he has now?