Friday, December 14, 2007

Patience



One step at a time, dear love
Pin drop silence, no not shove
Eat your morsel, then feed,
No two tasks at once, pay heed.
With patience awaits the friendly dove!


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My second attempt at limerick on the new prompt from Mad Kane
Comments and criticisms please.
Any improvement from the first limerick?
I also added this in response to the Totally Optinoal Prompt.
Follow me here for the haiku for Mad Kane.
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6 comments:

paisley said...

very clever... i love feeding birds.. they seem so thrilled.....

SweetTalkingGuy said...

Looks like a limerick to me, and a fine piece of poetry.

Mad Kane said...

Nice! Thanks so much for joining in on my prompt.

Just a couple of suggestions. I've added one syllable to L1 and two syllables to L2 to maintain the triple feel. (I've indicated the added syllables in all caps.) I've also cut some syllables from L4 and 1 syllable from L5:
Mad Kane


One step at a time, MY dear love.
Pin drop silence, no PLEASE DO not shove.
Eat your morsel, then feed,
Don't multitask! Heed.
With patience awaits the sweet dove!

Just Jen said...

I can't give critism on poetry, not my thing, but I can say I liked this. I liked your usage of words.

Patois said...

Looking good!

STP said...

This one strikes a chord with me as I tend to try to do eight things at once and get ahead.